I don't understand myself. I'm eating myself to death. There's this other person hanging off my body. My tummy sags halfway to my knees. I don't want to do much of anything. But eat. I muster up a few days of discipline and then it fades when I get sick or start cramping terribly. This is harder than anything, anything. It just feels impossible to overcome. Everything conspires against me to overwhelm my ability to do anything about it.
I see my beautiful grandchildren, energetic and vibrant. I am missing out on so much, because I can barely even stand, much less run around with them. I don't want to do anything extra, because just surviving seems to be impossible. I'm whining. But I also don't know where to start. People are always saying, "You know what to do." No I don't. Nothing in the past has worked, so why would I know what I need to do. God have mercy. Please have mercy.
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